My Story

Hey. My name’s Erin. I am 14 years old, and I live in Bayonne, NJ. I never really like talking about my life, but this is the best way to put it. Ever since I was little, my mom and dad always fought. I never really knew what they were talking about, until a month ago. My mom was a drug addict and my father was an alcoholic. They both got sent to rehab, and at the time, my baby brother wasn’t born yet. I went to live with my uncle. There, I had something happen that would change my life forever. By not doing a chore, I had ammonia poured down my throat. I almost died, but luckily, I survived. My parents came back 6 months later. My mom was, and is, still obsessed with drugs.. her favorite is cocaine, but the thing is, I am not supposed to know. oops. My sister told me a few weeks ago and I am still trying to comprehend it. My dad would come home and just start beating the living shit out of my mom, and I wouldn’t know what was going on. Luckily, they got a divorce. But this wasn’t lucky for me. I went to live with my mom, and with my younger brother Matthew. I was only 7 when they got divorced. My mom, religiously, would go out to party and leave me alone with my brother. I would always wonder where she went. She would say twenty minutes and it turned out to be five hours. There was a week where she never even came home. Sadly, my brother never knew what went on, so he could never comprehend it. My mom has also been an alcoholic for sometime and she used to hit me a lot. Every single time she came home, constant beatings for no reason. I didn’t want to leave because my brother, he would be screwed if I left. I love him with all my heart, and I basically mothered him for 5 years. In 6th grade, I started self- harming. No one had any clue, and that’s how I wanted it. The second I opened up to one of my best friends, she ended up telling everyone. Until the end of 7th grade, I was constantly bullied. I attempted suicide by taking over 30 advils. I was rushed to the hospital, having my stomach pumped. Eighth grade year, was the worst of all. My mom got a new boyfriend, a cop. LOL HOW IRONIC. She slowed down on some things, but still continued. Her boyfriend’s ex wife was bi polar, and for some odd reason,she decided to come after me. She has attempted on killing me many times, and has verbally and physically abused me. I started getting into alcohol and smoking after that, and I never really turned back. I will never end up like my mother is today. At 13 I was finally done and fed up with my mom bring me into shit I didn’t want to be in. I finally decided to move out and live with my dad. Emotionally, its gotten worse. My dad restricts me from doing anything and I have a 9:30 curfew on weekends. Recently, I broke his trust by drinking one night, one of my friend’s parents found out, and they told mine. I know have to gain his trust back, slowly but surely I will. Now, I still self harm. And I am diagnosed with depression. I refuse to take my medication. I feel worthless and unwanted in everything, all my friends care about are there boyfriends and whenever I need them, they say oh and ignore me. I will always bend over backwards for my friends because they are the only thing I have left and they treat me like shit. But I’d rather have them, then nothing at all. For all the times they make fun of me, I’ll sit there and act like nothing’s wrong. They wouldn’t care anyway if I sat there depressed anyway. That’s the thing in bayonne, they won’t care about your feelings. They will shoot you down with insults and spit in your face how fucking crazy you are. They act like they care, but you know in the back of your mind that they don’t really care at all.